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Of course you will have difficulty if this child of yours has already been trained, controlled, ordered about, denied his own possessions. In midflight, you change your tactics. You try to give him his freedom. He’s so suspicious of you, he will have a terrible time trying to adjust. The transition period will be terrible. But at the end of it, you’ll have a well-ordered, well-trained, social child, thoughtful of you and, very important to you, a child who loves you.
The child who is under constraint, shepherded, handled, controlled, has a very bad anxiety postulated. His parents are survival entities. They mean food, clothing, shelter, affection. This means he wants to be near them. He wants to love them, naturally, being their child. But on the other hand his parents are nonsurvival entities. His whole being and life depend upon his rights to use his own decision about his movements and his possessions and his body. Parents seek to interrupt this out of the mistaken idea that a child is an idiot who won’t learn unless “controlled.” So he has to fight shy, to fight against, to annoy and harass an enemy.
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